Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
A Wolf’s Love
(two teens to wolves)

It was sometime after midnight and Blake heard the phone ring. Quickly picking up the phone, he answered with a very tired and groggy hello. “Hi Blake, this is Brenna ... you know, from school.” “Yeah I know, what’s up?” “Oh nothing I was just wondering if you had plans tomorrow night. There’s supposed to be a great band playing in the park. Maybe you want to go see them with me?” “Sure I would love to Brenna.” “Great call you later with the details.” “Ok, bye”. With that Blake hung up the phone and collapsed on his bed. He got under the covers and drifted off to sleep. The next morning he got up and went downstairs to eat breakfast. He got out a bowl and guzzled down the milk and then devoured the toasted bread. He was excited about the evening to come. He has had an eye for Brenna for some time now. She seemed so mysterious and like such a fun person to be around. He couldn’t wait to get to know her better. Later on around 11:30 or so she called and told him that the band would start to play around eight. “Alright sounds great Brenna, see you there!”. He got up to go watch some TV just to kill time. He was channel surfing and caught the tail end of the news. They were closing up on a story of an animal sighting. The creature was shown one last time and form the supposed shadow of the creature it was canine, and very large. The reporter then signed off and the news program ended. Blake suddenly heard the doorbell ring. He got up to answer it, finding that the stranger was no other than Brenna. “Hey Brenna , why so early?” “Oh I just was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by” “Ha yeah sure, that or your stalking me.”. Brenna smiled and walked into the living room. “So what are you going to wear tonight?” “I don’t know I was thinking a polo and some jeans.” “Oh cool, that sounds cute” she said with a gorgeous smile. “God something about her is so appealing.” Blake thought. He went to go change and left Brenna to watch TV if she wanted to. He quickly swapped clothing and then went to tell her he was ready. When he came back he saw she had this look of fear and anger in her voice. “I just saw a news broadcast telling everyone to be aware of the loose creature and be careful. I don’t think that that stray dog is dangerous. Maybe it just can’t help but  run around the park or the city.” With a questioning look, he asked “Why does it bug you so much?” “Well because I feel that some things need to be left alone.” “Oh, I see.” Not Understanding Blake told her he was ready. The two teenagers walked out the door, after Blake left a message for his parents. On the way to the park, he noticed that the moon was full but seemed to be covered. The glow on the street was a yellowish white and he noticed Brenna was a bit jittery. The band could be heard a mile away and Blake couldn’t wait to be next to them. The two teens were there in a heartbeat and soon dancing to the bands rocking music. They played covers from band like Three Days grace, Ozzy Osborne , and A Perfect Circle. The songs were heavy with guitar and drums, but the vocals were great. After the concert was over the crowd cheered them off the stage and Brenna asked Blake if they could go on a walk. They soon found themselves walking on a dirt road leading to a bridge over the pond. Near the bridge Brenna looked at Blake with a devilish grin. Blake smiled and asked what was going on. “I have a secret to show you, that’s all.” “ Ha alright, lets hear it.” “Actually it is easier to show you.” And with those words Blake saw her eyes start to change color. Instead of their deep brown color, they started to become hazel, and then to a yellowish gold. When she smiled at him, he saw that her teeth were sharpening and lengthening. She raised her hands, and he caught a glimpse of her sharpened nails. She moved her hands around his neck and with a swift and quick pull, she kissed him. He was surprised but found himself kissing her back. She pulled away but as she did, she purposely scratched the back of his neck. The would seemed to throb and it hurt quite a bit. Brenna ran her hands over his chest, pulling at his shirt. Blake saw that brown fur was starting to sprout in between her fingers and on the top of her hands. He felt pads forming on her hands as she pushed against his chest. “This is my terrible secret, I tend to change a bit every blue moon” she growled at him. “Brenna, what’s happening to you?” “Is it really not obvious, the news what I just said. I’m the creature their talking about, I’m a werewolf silly.” “I don’t understand, if you knew this would happen than why did you bring me here?” “I wanted you, I wanted to show someone my secret and have someone share it with me.” By now the fur was covering her hands and her fingers were starting to shrink and form into claws. She swiped at his shirt and ripped it apart. Blake was stunned but found himself enjoying the moment and wanting to be with Brenna. He felt something bubble in his stomach, and he soon felt a wild itch spread across his chest. When he looked down he noticed that where her hands/paws moved, fur seemed to grow out of his skin. The girl in front of him seemed to be losing herself in the moment as she felt over his entire chest and then attacked his arms. Slowly but surely fur was spreading over his body. Brenna almost her entire chest and upper body covered in fur. Her shoes were on the verge of popping open from her sudden growth of her feet and her claws. Her shoes started to tear apart and she felt her legs start to gain muscle. Blake’s changes started to occur without Brenna’s help. He could sense his arm’s bulking up as muscle grew in. Brenna noticed that her jeans were ripped and she tore them off her legs. Her legs loaded with muscle started to itch and grow fur on her thighs. The fur spread downward like a rash and a small nub formed at the end of her spinal column. Her spine was growing and as it did fur spread over it. In only a minute, Brenna had a tail and soon her lower body was that of a wolf. Blake felt his legs gain muscle and grow the fur as Brenna’s did. The transformation was starting to feel good. He felt power surge in his veins. He looked over at Brenna to see that her ears were moving to the top of her head and changing so they were pointed. Blake felt his jaw pop and crack, as his muzzle pushed its way out. He saw Brenna’s jaw do the same and he saw fur spread over her entire face. Blake felt the last of his changed take effect. His ears moved and grew pointed, while his jaw snapped into place, and the last of his skin was hidden by brown fur. The teenagers now beast’s of the night. Blake grumbled and stared at Brenna as if to ask why. She only returned with a smile and moved her head. She ran into the woods and then waited for him to follow. He sat there wondering what would become of his life. And with a smile he found the answer, it would be one hell of a ride. Blake leapt into the trees and found Brenna in an opening. Both of them ran off into the night and hunted, played, and slept with each other until morning. When they woke up both were at their own houses. Brenna smiled when she heard her phone ring. “Hello.” “What the hell happened last night.” “Well all I did was show you a wolf’s secret. You have it now as well, but I figured that you would love it, and you did.” Blake could argue, last night was the best one of his life. With a shy smile he looked out his window. “Thanks.”
So I must say this story was hard to start and I feel the TF wasnt as detailed as the previous ones. BUT I like it and hope you all do :salute:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcljhijackaa:
CLJhijackaa Featured By Owner May 6, 2015
Good Game bro
Reply
:iconneswolf20:
NESWolf20 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
cool
Reply
:iconakira500:
Akira500 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Another interesting take on the wolves, very cool ^_^
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Student Writer
Yay!
Reply
:iconakira500:
Akira500 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Just for the rec, I love werewolves =)
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Student Writer
Really?? Well who would of known...
But that is perfectly ok the state the obvious, I do too.
Reply
:iconred-savage:
Red-Savage Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
All right. Here is the official review. In no way did I take formatting into consideration.

This thing about this, is that it seems more of an 'outline', or a summary. The only thing that makes this a story is the dialogue, which itself comes off as a bit forced. It just doesn't seem natural. Too contrived.

The actual action that happens, what the characters do and feel, are very... nondescript. It's too straight forward. It's 'He did this. She did that. He felt this. ' There a picture, but it's a mere outline.

Here's some advice on how to fix both of these problems and a few spots with the plot. And I'm going to give you this advice, because the climatic scene where Brenna transforms and causes Blake's transformation, shows that you do know how to have a descriptive and flowing scene. The scene was good. I liked it. You just need help on building that up. Take the time you took with the transformation scene (which could still use some work), and apply it to the rest of the story.

The dialogue here is too casual, and then way too intimate for it to come off as natural. Especially with what Brenna must be feeling when it comes to revealing her secret. I need to feel both her hesitation and trepidation in revealing this secret from her very first line. You see, I can buy the whole thing with Blake getting this call from out of nowhere. That's fine. He has had his eye out as you put it, so he's just enjoying it.

But Brenna needs to come forward a bit with everything she says. Now, it needs to be subtle. But I (and the rest of the readers as well) need to get the feeling that she may have been planning this. She really wants this, she's planned for it, but even up until the near sexual scene of transformation, she's nervous and just a bit eager.

Description wise, you just need to elaborate. So he got called after midnight. Okay. Is he upset, peeved, or just tired and casual about it? How can you reflect this in the dialogue?

And go even further. What did the cover band look like? Thirty-year old wannabes or young punks off the streets? Was the night cold, brisk, windy, hot and muggy?How soon did they leave the concert? On and on, over and over. It's these details that give us the full image. It sets the scene, it sets, the mood, it sets the tone. And all of this is essential in giving me a clear picture. (Now, you shouldn't describe each and every little detail, and you don't describe too many things with adjective/item combinations. You have to work it in and make it seem natural).

Plot wise, there's only one thing. Just one. And it's the sudden allowance and casualness in which Blake allows this transformation to overcome him. Again, he needs to either have had an extremely large infatuation with Brenna previous to the event, needs to really developer their relationship somehow in a single night at that concert, or needs to have an absurd fascination with werewolves and the like (at least to the point to where he is more awed by the transformation than frightened. More so, we need to see this in his emotions, body language, and dialogue.)

...

Anyhow, in the end, there's work to be done. But as with any piece of writing, the work will pay off. Again, I can sense that you put most of the emphasis on the transformation. That's fine. It really is. But this story would be simply awesome if it was spread out over the entire thing.

So, for now, I will hold off on either accepting this into the WerewolvesAtHeart group ([link]). It wasn't submitted by you, but by another member. So you're not really at a liberty, per se, to really fix these. SO if nothing else, at least take this into consideration for future stories.

The best of luck to you. And, as a final note, formatting really would help too. I know you have already heard this, I know that this is a short story and may not seem necessary, but it's like selling a car with a working radio. Yeah, it's not really required... but it really is nice.

-CC
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010  Student Writer
Hey CC, this was an older story. And I try to not use dialogue anymore because it messes with the story in my honest opinion. I try to be more descriptive with the intro and ending of the story. This was my 4th or 5th entry I believe, and I know I have grown since then. If this is not a great enough story perhaps I may have written one in my latest few. Check them out and let me know.
Reply
:iconred-savage:
Red-Savage Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
Hello. I'm CC, the lit. moderator for the WerewolvesAtHeart group.

Now, this is more of a request than anything, as formatting is not a formal rule, nor is it used to determine whether or not a piece is accepted.

But... heh. It'd be really awesome if you could properly format this. It'd make it easier for people to read, and it'll give it that professional air. I'll wait until later this afternoon before fully reviewing this work, to give you a chance to make any changes you wish.
Reply
:iconkuro-kai08:
kuro-kai08 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2010
awesome
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2010  Student Writer
appreciate the kind word. =)
Reply
:iconkuro-kai08:
kuro-kai08 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2010
your welcome
Reply
:iconandi-girl:
Andi-girl Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
HEY! you would not believe it!I am writting a story about a wolf called BLAKE, its a love story and I am planning to post it in devianart! ;) so cool! I love yours by the way
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010  Student Writer
haha thanks. It's nice to hear of your interest in my work. I'll keep my eye out for yours as well.
Reply
:iconandi-girl:
Andi-girl Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2010
Yeah, I so liked yours! I already posted my VERY FIRST chapter of wolf love,(thats how I called is) I want to get comments on it, I want to know what people think, and seriously it would mean a lot to me if YOU read it! :D
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010  Student Writer
I will in fact give it a read through, but my opinion is not all that grand. I'm only a measly tf fan who has free time to write his ideas.
Reply
:iconandi-girl:
Andi-girl Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2010
It doesnt matter if it is not that grand, I just want people to read it :D Well, I have no idea what TF means therefore I dont know what to say to that. but maybe you could explain it to me in your. I started writting this story because I had lots of ideas, plus I am going thorugh a hard time so I thought writting a love story would help, I have to admit I am very shy about what I write, so practicly no one I know has read it, just my BFF. Since its a love story I am not sure everyone would like it but, its worth a try.
w <3/ Andi
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2010  Student Writer
tf means a transformation piece. Like werewolfs, werecows, etc.
Reply
:iconandi-girl:
Andi-girl Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010
Ohhhh! great, then I am a great fan of TF too! hahaha! plus I am a twilight girl, not that obssesed about it but I like it, anyway gotta go, have to do TONS of Valentine Cards to do. :) I so hope someone would give me one, apart from my friends think I aint recieving more. By the way, I want to know more about you. :D
w/<3 Andi
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Student Writer
A very late happy valentines day. Anyway, have you kept your interest in transformation pieces?
Reply
(1 Reply)
Hidden by Owner
(1 Reply)
:iconproxy007:
proxy007 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Awsome as Alwase!
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009  Student Writer
Hehe thanks, I would have thought you already read this one, But glad you got to! :thanks:
Reply
:iconproxy007:
proxy007 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
I did a couple of times I just dident comment until now lol
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Student Writer
You read my stuff more than once. Cool.
Reply
:iconinuchanshottie2:
inuchanshottie2 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2009
i like how u do the stories its not how others do its ur own style i dont think u should change it at all ^^ n like we both new i was i loved it it was rlly good im glad i got to read it ill read ur other ones tomorrow kinda tired lol gud luck on ur upcoming stories :D
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2009  Student Writer
Thanks again. I'm glad you like my work.
Reply
:iconinuchanshottie2:
inuchanshottie2 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2009
lol i read other ppls comments while i was headin to comment it so thats why i was all like that n np again
Reply
:iconxander-rkos:
Xander-RKoS Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009
Okay...a few things need some fixing aside from paragraph indents...

The first one is that this story is incredibly dry. A lot of it is just on the surface narrative. No signs of any real imagery outside of the TF scene (which trust me, was detailed enough), very little about the character's emotions, and very simple, stale words. My suggestion, use a thesaurus, read some good poetry and short stories (by classic writers) and get a feel for how they use words to paint a very descriptive image in the reader's mind.

Second, superfluous information that didn't add to the story. It feels as if it a lot of the pre-TF scene was stretched out with non-important details to make the story longer. Blake's morning rituals and time he woke up, him changing, the concert itself and it's details, not needed. Now, if you don't want to flat out cut out those parts, then use those parts to further flush out your character's details. For example, the concert could have been used to have the two build up some real feelings for each other...or perhaps even include some sexual tension as Blake might be embarrassed to say something, or Brenna might have seemed nervous, there was a lot you could have done there.

I noticed that there was some foreshadowing in the broadcast scene...it was okay, but without any real character development, to the reader, it was either way to obvious that she was involved with the wolf...which is not how a foreshadow should work.

All of this resulted in a story that came out sorta dull and uninteresting. I could not relate to the characters because in the end, I knew very little about them and kinda...didn't care. All I knew, is there is this guy who likes a girl, who's a werewolf, who makes him into a werewolf (which...you would expect a more "freaked" out reaction from him...and maybe a little ticked off that some girl just changed his life forever without even asking in order to fulfill her own selfish desires...that would make me pretty mad, even if I could be an awesome werewolf) and they live happily ever after.

Some nit picky things before I'm done. Paragraph indents at their proper place. It makes the writing look more professional plus, it's easier for editing and critiquing. Check the punctuation, because there were a few errors like two periods in the same sentence and one instance of no question marks. Also, the dialogue could have been more...natural. To me, it just didn't flow and didn't sound like something people would say naturally.

I really think that with some more work and effort, you can write a masterful story. Also, please understand that I don't like sounding like a jerk, but, to grow as a writer, there always needs to be the jerk that tells you everything you did wrong instead of just telling you what you did right. So, here's what I liked just so I don't leave here with everyone hating me...more so than some already do...I liked the general plot outline, if I was hearing a summary of this story from someone, it would have definitely perked my interest. I thought the ending was cute, I think a longer, more descriptive conclusion would have been better, but the end resolve was nice.
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2009  Student Writer
Ok well thanks for your critique, I know your not intentionally picking on my story, only helping. And i thank you for that. I'm glad the plot caught your interest and I am sure to try to be more descriptive with the other aspects. Thanks again.
Reply
:iconinuchanshottie2:
inuchanshottie2 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009
i didnt get to read it yet but im going to when i gt bk home im sure it wil b great n im going to comment again after i read so yh just a warning lol
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009  Student Writer
Thanks the pre-fav haha. And I'm glad you have high hopes. you've liked previous work, so this is sure to please you hehe.
Reply
:iconinuchanshottie2:
inuchanshottie2 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2009
lol im sure i will ima read em rights now :D
Reply
:iconthelonewolf12666:
TheLoneWolf12666 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
Great story bud :)!
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
Thanks for the kind words wolf!
:glomp:
Reply
:iconthelonewolf12666:
TheLoneWolf12666 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
No problem bud :D. Email me about you story collab idea this weekend :). I should be free to work on it with ya then!
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
Oh sweet, I just shoot an email haha. But i guess it works either way. This is gunna rock.
Reply
:iconxander-rkos:
Xander-RKoS Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
Some paragraph breaks would be nice...it was a bit difficult to read the story.
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
But any comments on the story itself?
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
Yeah, i see what you mean. I will take it into effect for future stories. Thanks abunch. :highfive:
Reply
:iconxander-rkos:
Xander-RKoS Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
Well...I would love to give comments on the story, but no paragraph breaks (especially at dialogue changes) made it too much work to read...
Reply
:iconbmae:
bmae Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009   Photographer
I'm sorry to get in the middle of this, but don't you think that it's a little ridiculous that you can't read a story that doesn't have paragraph breaks? If I'm not mistaken, some short stories don't even have indentions. I think that this story is definitely worth reading and you are missing out. I'm sorry that you can't read correctly.
Reply
:iconxander-rkos:
Xander-RKoS Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009
Oh, I think my heart has been torn in twain! Your insults were just too much to take. I guess I should just go kill myself because I'm such a rotten human being.

Sorry, but most English teachers, editors, and publishers would even except a piece of that didn't follow the modern conventions of writing. Maybe if it was trying to prove a point, but I don't think this was one of those pieces. Plus, you must understand, there a tons of writings on the internet, over 75% of them are bad, so I've made it a policy to not read large walls of text (not saying this work is bad, but I can't say, because I've only read about a quarter of it).

If there is any advice I can give this writer, it's to please start using some modern conventions in your writing, which includes paragraph breaks in appropriate places to separate different speakers and ideas. Remember, those of us, like me, who don't know who you are personally, you're writing to entertain us, we're not reading to entertain you.
Reply
:iconbmae:
bmae Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009   Photographer
Ok, don't get all defensive. I appreciate the very long and drawn out explanation to your little cries of complaints over his writing. You aren't a rotten human being, except your use of sarcasm really did show your maturity.

I'll use paragraph breaks to make you understand better. Because GOD KNOWS if I don't use it, you'll be so unsatisfied with your lack of entertainment.

All I said was to give this writer a chance. Here you go ranting about teachers and percentages. I stopped reading your paragraph because it bored me.

Which is more important-paragraph breaks or GOOD entertaining writings? Hmm...
Reply
:iconxander-rkos:
Xander-RKoS Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009
I think you're use of insults really shows the level of maturity you wish to bring to this situation. Please, if you can't remain somewhat civil about this, then I see no reason why I should.

You know what, I'll level with you though...I'll read this, all of it, (later...for I am busy at the moment), I'll critique. I'll probably say things like "some parts were too jumbled up" or "it was difficult at times to tell who was speaking" because that is what past incidents of stories that don't ever paragraph break do. Why? Because if someone is making such a big deal out of it, then it must be worth looking at. But I'm not one of those guys who says "That was great" or "that was terrible" and leave it at that. So, I'll try my best to help the writer with what I thought was weak and compliment them on what I felt was strong. If I do that, will you please drop and this? I read these for my amusement, if the writing doesn't look good, I will probably stop reading it.
Reply
:iconbmae:
bmae Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2009   Photographer
Ok, I'm done playing fire with fire and I honestly could care less if you read this or not, it's not even mine. Thanks for leveling with me I guess.
My immaturity over this was over the limit but I guess thats how I deal with things sometimes so I'm sorry I had to bring that on you. I'm embarrassed over my actions and I hope you won't think anything more of it being that it's pointless.
Yes, I do enjoy this writer's work. If you don't, that's just your opinion.
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
well, sorry for your inconvenience. I hope my future stories will be alittle bit less hectic.
Reply
:iconspartan-5:
Spartan-5 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009
awesome story
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Writer
Thanks =).
Reply
:iconcloud9zx9x:
cloud9zx9x Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009
very nice cute story keep it up
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconkillerpen: More from killerpen


Featured in Collections

tf storys by dragonstorm15942

canine tf stories by Trevor48

Animal Transformation by superwhiteblade


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
August 5, 2009
File Size
7.8 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
16,480 (2 today)
Favourites
98 (who?)
Comments
58
×