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August 5, 2009
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A Wolf’s Love
(two teens to wolves)

It was sometime after midnight and Blake heard the phone ring. Quickly picking up the phone, he answered with a very tired and groggy hello. “Hi Blake, this is Brenna ... you know, from school.” “Yeah I know, what’s up?” “Oh nothing I was just wondering if you had plans tomorrow night. There’s supposed to be a great band playing in the park. Maybe you want to go see them with me?” “Sure I would love to Brenna.” “Great call you later with the details.” “Ok, bye”. With that Blake hung up the phone and collapsed on his bed. He got under the covers and drifted off to sleep. The next morning he got up and went downstairs to eat breakfast. He got out a bowl and guzzled down the milk and then devoured the toasted bread. He was excited about the evening to come. He has had an eye for Brenna for some time now. She seemed so mysterious and like such a fun person to be around. He couldn’t wait to get to know her better. Later on around 11:30 or so she called and told him that the band would start to play around eight. “Alright sounds great Brenna, see you there!”. He got up to go watch some TV just to kill time. He was channel surfing and caught the tail end of the news. They were closing up on a story of an animal sighting. The creature was shown one last time and form the supposed shadow of the creature it was canine, and very large. The reporter then signed off and the news program ended. Blake suddenly heard the doorbell ring. He got up to answer it, finding that the stranger was no other than Brenna. “Hey Brenna , why so early?” “Oh I just was in the neighborhood and decided to stop by” “Ha yeah sure, that or your stalking me.”. Brenna smiled and walked into the living room. “So what are you going to wear tonight?” “I don’t know I was thinking a polo and some jeans.” “Oh cool, that sounds cute” she said with a gorgeous smile. “God something about her is so appealing.” Blake thought. He went to go change and left Brenna to watch TV if she wanted to. He quickly swapped clothing and then went to tell her he was ready. When he came back he saw she had this look of fear and anger in her voice. “I just saw a news broadcast telling everyone to be aware of the loose creature and be careful. I don’t think that that stray dog is dangerous. Maybe it just can’t help but  run around the park or the city.” With a questioning look, he asked “Why does it bug you so much?” “Well because I feel that some things need to be left alone.” “Oh, I see.” Not Understanding Blake told her he was ready. The two teenagers walked out the door, after Blake left a message for his parents. On the way to the park, he noticed that the moon was full but seemed to be covered. The glow on the street was a yellowish white and he noticed Brenna was a bit jittery. The band could be heard a mile away and Blake couldn’t wait to be next to them. The two teens were there in a heartbeat and soon dancing to the bands rocking music. They played covers from band like Three Days grace, Ozzy Osborne , and A Perfect Circle. The songs were heavy with guitar and drums, but the vocals were great. After the concert was over the crowd cheered them off the stage and Brenna asked Blake if they could go on a walk. They soon found themselves walking on a dirt road leading to a bridge over the pond. Near the bridge Brenna looked at Blake with a devilish grin. Blake smiled and asked what was going on. “I have a secret to show you, that’s all.” “ Ha alright, lets hear it.” “Actually it is easier to show you.” And with those words Blake saw her eyes start to change color. Instead of their deep brown color, they started to become hazel, and then to a yellowish gold. When she smiled at him, he saw that her teeth were sharpening and lengthening. She raised her hands, and he caught a glimpse of her sharpened nails. She moved her hands around his neck and with a swift and quick pull, she kissed him. He was surprised but found himself kissing her back. She pulled away but as she did, she purposely scratched the back of his neck. The would seemed to throb and it hurt quite a bit. Brenna ran her hands over his chest, pulling at his shirt. Blake saw that brown fur was starting to sprout in between her fingers and on the top of her hands. He felt pads forming on her hands as she pushed against his chest. “This is my terrible secret, I tend to change a bit every blue moon” she growled at him. “Brenna, what’s happening to you?” “Is it really not obvious, the news what I just said. I’m the creature their talking about, I’m a werewolf silly.” “I don’t understand, if you knew this would happen than why did you bring me here?” “I wanted you, I wanted to show someone my secret and have someone share it with me.” By now the fur was covering her hands and her fingers were starting to shrink and form into claws. She swiped at his shirt and ripped it apart. Blake was stunned but found himself enjoying the moment and wanting to be with Brenna. He felt something bubble in his stomach, and he soon felt a wild itch spread across his chest. When he looked down he noticed that where her hands/paws moved, fur seemed to grow out of his skin. The girl in front of him seemed to be losing herself in the moment as she felt over his entire chest and then attacked his arms. Slowly but surely fur was spreading over his body. Brenna almost her entire chest and upper body covered in fur. Her shoes were on the verge of popping open from her sudden growth of her feet and her claws. Her shoes started to tear apart and she felt her legs start to gain muscle. Blake’s changes started to occur without Brenna’s help. He could sense his arm’s bulking up as muscle grew in. Brenna noticed that her jeans were ripped and she tore them off her legs. Her legs loaded with muscle started to itch and grow fur on her thighs. The fur spread downward like a rash and a small nub formed at the end of her spinal column. Her spine was growing and as it did fur spread over it. In only a minute, Brenna had a tail and soon her lower body was that of a wolf. Blake felt his legs gain muscle and grow the fur as Brenna’s did. The transformation was starting to feel good. He felt power surge in his veins. He looked over at Brenna to see that her ears were moving to the top of her head and changing so they were pointed. Blake felt his jaw pop and crack, as his muzzle pushed its way out. He saw Brenna’s jaw do the same and he saw fur spread over her entire face. Blake felt the last of his changed take effect. His ears moved and grew pointed, while his jaw snapped into place, and the last of his skin was hidden by brown fur. The teenagers now beast’s of the night. Blake grumbled and stared at Brenna as if to ask why. She only returned with a smile and moved her head. She ran into the woods and then waited for him to follow. He sat there wondering what would become of his life. And with a smile he found the answer, it would be one hell of a ride. Blake leapt into the trees and found Brenna in an opening. Both of them ran off into the night and hunted, played, and slept with each other until morning. When they woke up both were at their own houses. Brenna smiled when she heard her phone ring. “Hello.” “What the hell happened last night.” “Well all I did was show you a wolf’s secret. You have it now as well, but I figured that you would love it, and you did.” Blake could argue, last night was the best one of his life. With a shy smile he looked out his window. “Thanks.”
So I must say this story was hard to start and I feel the TF wasnt as detailed as the previous ones. BUT I like it and hope you all do :salute:
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:iconneswolf20:
NESWolf20 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
cool
Reply
:iconakira500:
Akira500 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Another interesting take on the wolves, very cool ^_^
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:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Student Writer
Yay!
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:iconakira500:
Akira500 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Just for the rec, I love werewolves =)
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011  Student Writer
Really?? Well who would of known...
But that is perfectly ok the state the obvious, I do too.
Reply
:iconred-desert-writings:
Red-Desert-Writings Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
All right. Here is the official review. In no way did I take formatting into consideration.

This thing about this, is that it seems more of an 'outline', or a summary. The only thing that makes this a story is the dialogue, which itself comes off as a bit forced. It just doesn't seem natural. Too contrived.

The actual action that happens, what the characters do and feel, are very... nondescript. It's too straight forward. It's 'He did this. She did that. He felt this. ' There a picture, but it's a mere outline.

Here's some advice on how to fix both of these problems and a few spots with the plot. And I'm going to give you this advice, because the climatic scene where Brenna transforms and causes Blake's transformation, shows that you do know how to have a descriptive and flowing scene. The scene was good. I liked it. You just need help on building that up. Take the time you took with the transformation scene (which could still use some work), and apply it to the rest of the story.

The dialogue here is too casual, and then way too intimate for it to come off as natural. Especially with what Brenna must be feeling when it comes to revealing her secret. I need to feel both her hesitation and trepidation in revealing this secret from her very first line. You see, I can buy the whole thing with Blake getting this call from out of nowhere. That's fine. He has had his eye out as you put it, so he's just enjoying it.

But Brenna needs to come forward a bit with everything she says. Now, it needs to be subtle. But I (and the rest of the readers as well) need to get the feeling that she may have been planning this. She really wants this, she's planned for it, but even up until the near sexual scene of transformation, she's nervous and just a bit eager.

Description wise, you just need to elaborate. So he got called after midnight. Okay. Is he upset, peeved, or just tired and casual about it? How can you reflect this in the dialogue?

And go even further. What did the cover band look like? Thirty-year old wannabes or young punks off the streets? Was the night cold, brisk, windy, hot and muggy?How soon did they leave the concert? On and on, over and over. It's these details that give us the full image. It sets the scene, it sets, the mood, it sets the tone. And all of this is essential in giving me a clear picture. (Now, you shouldn't describe each and every little detail, and you don't describe too many things with adjective/item combinations. You have to work it in and make it seem natural).

Plot wise, there's only one thing. Just one. And it's the sudden allowance and casualness in which Blake allows this transformation to overcome him. Again, he needs to either have had an extremely large infatuation with Brenna previous to the event, needs to really developer their relationship somehow in a single night at that concert, or needs to have an absurd fascination with werewolves and the like (at least to the point to where he is more awed by the transformation than frightened. More so, we need to see this in his emotions, body language, and dialogue.)

...

Anyhow, in the end, there's work to be done. But as with any piece of writing, the work will pay off. Again, I can sense that you put most of the emphasis on the transformation. That's fine. It really is. But this story would be simply awesome if it was spread out over the entire thing.

So, for now, I will hold off on either accepting this into the WerewolvesAtHeart group ([link]). It wasn't submitted by you, but by another member. So you're not really at a liberty, per se, to really fix these. SO if nothing else, at least take this into consideration for future stories.

The best of luck to you. And, as a final note, formatting really would help too. I know you have already heard this, I know that this is a short story and may not seem necessary, but it's like selling a car with a working radio. Yeah, it's not really required... but it really is nice.

-CC
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:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010  Student Writer
Hey CC, this was an older story. And I try to not use dialogue anymore because it messes with the story in my honest opinion. I try to be more descriptive with the intro and ending of the story. This was my 4th or 5th entry I believe, and I know I have grown since then. If this is not a great enough story perhaps I may have written one in my latest few. Check them out and let me know.
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:iconred-desert-writings:
Red-Desert-Writings Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
Hello. I'm CC, the lit. moderator for the WerewolvesAtHeart group.

Now, this is more of a request than anything, as formatting is not a formal rule, nor is it used to determine whether or not a piece is accepted.

But... heh. It'd be really awesome if you could properly format this. It'd make it easier for people to read, and it'll give it that professional air. I'll wait until later this afternoon before fully reviewing this work, to give you a chance to make any changes you wish.
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:iconkuro-kai08:
kuro-kai08 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2010
awesome
Reply
:iconkillerpen:
killerpen Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2010  Student Writer
appreciate the kind word. =)
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